to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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