are you still at the devil's house?
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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