Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
