I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize
