I faked an abortion last night.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
