A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
