Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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