There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
