ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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