he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
