how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
she smelled like a LAN party
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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