Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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