Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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