i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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