Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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