"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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