It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
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I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Your penis caused this!
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