You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
