I want to have your abortion
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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