Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
The beer is more important than you right now.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
