I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
