I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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