Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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