marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
