bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
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