Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
