You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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