he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
