and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
