i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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