So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
