I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
