the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
