This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
