I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
