so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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