How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize