one might say we're banned from that church
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
