Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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