In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
