I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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