The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
