I can text with my tongue
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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