So drunk its hurt
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Randomize
