Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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