Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
