So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
