i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
