we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
