Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
