She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
