mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
