I didn't shave. On purpose
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just had sex on a roof
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize