I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
