Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize