I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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