She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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