Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
