just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
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his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
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oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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