So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
wow bdsm is so cute
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
we should paint friendship bongs
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