woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
