I got chris browned last night
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
