chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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