and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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