so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
