New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
