Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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