when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
