I got chris browned last night
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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