My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
