I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
