i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
