marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We are two peas in an std pod
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
