so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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