I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Michael Bay diarrhea
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
