Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
