he shaved USA in his pubs
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
