my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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