Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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