hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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