i barfeds in our rink
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
