How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
