We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
