I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I need a beard to bite.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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